Wisdom from my Grandfather
Four Principles on Character
6/22/20263 min read
Louisiana summers can be brutal. This summer was no exception. Dad and I were in the woods cutting firewood preparing for the coming winter. Dad refused to run the central heating unit. Instead, the house had a fireplace, and he had purchased an insert that fit into the fireplace. As a result, we spent some days in the heat of August to have heat in January and February.
At the time, my grandfather, Dad’s dad, lived with us. Grandma had passed away a few years before so he moved in and became the best friend a teenage boy could ever have. He was a real cowboy. He was tough, rugged, skilled by life, had a sense of humor that could slay a room, and a master at cultivating relationships.
On this hot August day as Dad and I cut and hauled wood, my grandfather sat to the side on a tree stump. The conversation turned to a particular person and whether we could trust that individual. It was then my grandfather dispensed some wisdom that I have never forgotten. He sat there on that stump, chewing his tobacco, and gave us four principles on judging the character of a man.
First, he said to be cautious of someone who never apologizes. Apologies reveal a humble heart. A real apology is when someone owns what that they did and regrets it. As my grandfather said, “A bull crap apology is when someone says they’re sorry you feel a certain way or if you took what they said in an offensive manner. When people apologize like that, they’re trying to control you.” Trust people who can honestly apologize.
He leaned to the side, spit some tobacco juice, and told us to be cautious of a man who walks ahead of his wife. He always held the door open for my grandma. If they were walking into a store or to church, he made sure she was always one or two steps ahead of him and entered the building first. This is a sign of respecting and honoring your spouse. Also, he saw it as a way of protecting her. If she were to fall or someone approach her, he was there to step in if necessary. If a man walks ahead of his wife he’s more worried about his own agenda than he is loving her well and if a man is willing to treat his own wife like that how do you think he’ll treat you?
Dad groused about how women could walk slow. My grandfather quipped, “Then it’s on you to walk slower. It isn’t about speed. It’s about caring.” It wasn’t often I saw my dad corrected by his dad, so I savored the moment.
“Boy,” my grandfather bellowed, “be wary of a man who won’t look you in the eyes.” He went on to explain that people who won’t look you in the eyes are often hiding something. If you’re trying to do a deal, be willing to look someone in the eyes. As uncomfortable as it may be, eye contact reveals and builds trust. If he were alive today, my grandfather wouldn’t trust many because most of us have our faces glued to a screen.
As another piece of wood went in the bed of Dad’s pickup truck, my grandfather leaned forward and said, “Don’t trust a man when his story is always changing.” If you get one version of a person’s story on Tuesday and a different one on Friday, back away from the situation. When a person’s story is fluid there’s a high likelihood truth is not in the story. Save yourself some worry, time, and money and distance yourself.
We lost my grandfather in 1988. He was a giant of a man. Character as strong as oak. He couldn’t read or write but you could rely on his word. My grandmother was loved well and honored by him. You could hear him praying each night by his bedside. He figured he needed forgiveness after the cluster of four-letter words he let fly during the day.
All of us would do well to remember his wisdom. In a world where we’re obsessed with screens and tailormade personalities for reels and photos, he helps us judge true character. That kind of wisdom will carry you far.
Leadership matters,
Brian